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IND-IIT Guwaha/4162- I really feel lonely
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Wednesday, November 27, 2013
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I am a male. I am well aware of the "emotional masculine-ness" expected out of me by the society. However, I am really very emotionally sensitive and so I really feel shy and sad to show my vulnerability to anyone because of the fear of ridicule. I have no friends at all and at times i feel this weird emotional pain in my heart. It makes me feel totally useless and this has led to eradication of whatsoever self-confidence I had and also, it has made me to attempt suicide several times. I do not need a lot of friends but I need just one life partner with whom I can comfortably be vulnerable. Its really very hard to find someone who actually can feel what I feel. I ahve been in a relationship but it did not work out because I am too emotional. I guess being emotional is something ruled out if you are a boy.I admired a girl who was the first person ever whom I liked but she doesn't want to be with me. I kinda liked someone and clearly showed her all the indications that I am interested. She was from Center for Energy. But recently, she got committed to another boy from Chemical Engineering and is very happy in her relationship. I felt very jealous but at the same time I realized my lack of ability and uselessness. Even my parents complain that I bring gloom whenever I return home.I have now realized- no one wants me, not even my parents. I am totally lonely. I think I shall not live long.........
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